Londoners Magazine

As you await her imminent death - or new music release if you’re a glass half full kind of person - commuters of London will enjoy nothing more than a good poke around Amy Winehouse’s business.

And the freesheets and red tops do their damnedest to fell 8,000 trees everyday to bring us the latest on London’s favourite drug addled mess.

We at Londoners are more environmentally friendly in our approach, bringing you a week of Winehouse in one bite-sized clump - with nary a plant harmed.

After spending Wednesday night in custody, regaling the police with tales of the video that allegedly shows her inhaling crack, Amy hit the town - or at least the nearest petrol station - to celebrate her release on bail. Wearing a headscarf with her incarcerated hubby’s name on it, Amy was keen to scotch rumours of their alleged divorce and bantered with the paparazzi about the latest addition to her body. No, not a few pounds, but a tattoo.

On Friday Amy went for a walk. Along the M40. It may have been gridlocked, but Amy made the most of the fine weather by wandering around in her traditional bra and short-shorts combo, banging on car windows looking for a lighter. When satisfied she lay against her car, catching a few rays and flashing her apparently fresh scrapes and burns. Is Amy self-harming again wondered the Daily Mail?

Well she couldn’t do any more damage to herself then if Julian Macdonald fulfills his threat to the Metro to send her cascading down his runway at London Fashion Week - taking the term “heroin-chic” a little too literally. Does this mean next season’s must have accessory will be a Hermes crack pipe?

Monday morning comes, and as commuters struggle with their Budgens’ breakfast roll, the question on everybody’s lips is whether Amy has an eating disorder. Along with their faux concern, the papers give us lashings of “eugh look at the state of her” pictures and not a shred of evidence to back up their claims.

Meanwhile it seems you can’t fart around Amy without getting questioned by the coppers. With her purported dealers Johnny Blagrove and Cara Burton out on bail and her hubby banged up, on Tuesday Towers of London bassist Kristian Marr was led off by the bobbies after breaking in to Amy’s garage. As I write this it’s not known if he was held over his band’s heinous crimes against music or if he has been allowed to return to the kiddy pool Sadie Frost seems to require for all her relationships.

Oh, in case you are interested 22,000 are believed to be dead after the Burmese cyclone, 13,000 after the Chinese earthquake and 80 people were killed after a terrorist attack in the northern Indian city of Jaipur.

Thought not!