Londoners Magazine

ADELE

Adele wont be playing any festival dates in the UK this summer because, apparently, she hates them: “I’m not playing any as far as I know. Even if you helicoptered me in for the performance I’d hate it.”

She continues: “My music at the moment is slow, so all the people on acid won’t enjoy it”.

While Londoners doesn’t deny that one would need class As to sit through one of Adele’s shows, we wonder whether this is just a case of sour grapes - as the London lard ass had no such issues playing Coachella.

Never mind Adele, we’re sure your invite was lost in the post.

OASIS

Not only are Oasis unable to keep their music off the Internet, but it would appear that they are also incapable of keeping drummers on their couch.

According to The Sun, The Brothers Gallagher have lost their third drummer since the bands conception. Zac Starkey, son of Ringo and formerly of The Who, will most likely not be joining Oasis on their forthcoming US tour or any future recordings.

There has been no official announcement but that old “source close to the band” had this to say: “”There have been arguments with Noel Gallagher and general disagreements.”

MARC RONSON

Last seen bending over for The Zutons and Adele as part of a Faustian pact with the record industry, Marc Ronson has pulled out of recording “The Quantum of Solace” with Amy Winehouse.

Showing all the loyalty of Judas Iscariot, Ronson sent his toys supernova when he clashed with his meal ticket. “I’m not sure she’s ready to work on music yet,” Ronson sniped. He also said that recording on track probably wouldn’t be finished “unless by some miracle of science it gets recorded and someone sings a vocal on it”.

You’d think given his friend is about as stable as a basket of snakes he’d bow out without feeding the paparazzi.