Londoners Magazine

“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.”

So says Philip Larkin, and the Football Association (FA) agrees. The 2008/09 season will see children under the age of eight banned from playing in football leagues and cups.

This follows a series of complaints from whinging minors who want to quit the game after being hollered at from the sideline week in week out by over enthusiastic parents.

An FA spokesman said they want to create “an environment where children can learn and develop their skills without the pressure of having to get a result”.

While <em>Londoners</em> applauds the sudden attention to children’s needs (and wonders where the hell it was while they were being roasted and ridiculed) we’re not sure if the plan will work.

The primary aim of getting children into competitive sports is to teach them the game of life and knock the molly coddled crap they’ve been told since they were nippers out of them.

And won’t this ban backfire on the FA when the competitive spirit needed to produce decent future Wayne Rooney’s is absent in youngsters?

We shudder to think of the athletes this school of thought will produce.