Londoners Magazine
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“Perhaps they would have been happier if Newsround had just announced that Speight had left CBeebies and gone to live on a farm like several of Blue Peter’s cats and dogs…” |
Having steered clear of driving for several years, Caomhan Keane decided to mark his maiden voyage. But balking at the spiralling cost of just one lesson, he decided to keep it in the family and learn another life lesson from his dad.
“They fuck you up, your mum and dad.”
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“A barrage of notes, quotes and scathing criticism is hurtling towards its inevitable end - the dole office. I wouldn’t trade it for all the tea in Tesco. But a party it wasn’t…” |
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“It’s wonderful that you’re here and you’re queer but, quite frankly, I’m tired of hearing this side of the record. Is there a b-side to your life?…” |
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“Because as a Catholic I’m supposed to believe some pretty funky stuff myself. And if you want to get down to it, did Henry the VIII, in founding the Church of England not just pick and mix whatever least affected his personal life?…” |
You’ve got something borrowed and something blue, your best friend is three sheets to the wind and ogling the grooms men, while the groom himself is - as tradition would have it - handcuffed naked to a lamppost with an eastern European hooker named Olga.
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Caomhan Keane visits Highgate cemetery and checks out the last first impressions of the dead. |
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“The dance floor is for dancing. It’s not a runaway for Oompa Loompas parading the latest shade of orange around a mountain of handbags. Its not a place for music aficionados to nod appreciatively while remaining rigid…” |
