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“3-D has become a legitimate cinematic technique, albeit one that leaves you feeling like a rhino has crapped in your eyes and brain by the end of the movie…” |
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“It’s a minefield. Except the mines are crammed with mockery and the shrapnel’s made out of red hot shards of humiliation…” |
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“I would recommend Blankets to anyone with a heart, half a brain and functioning tear ducts…” |
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“Sport just highlights our tragic physical inadequacies. It’s our latent mal-coordination forced up on to a stage to stand shivering, like a naked orphan, under the spotlight…” |
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“A perfectly serviceable movie, there’s no denying it, with plenty of funny moments. But, at its heart, it’s a 15 year-old boy’s revenge/wank fantasy committed to celluloid…” |
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“They feature beautiful models doing beautiful things clearly designed to make us shovel-faced normies painfully depressed about how un-beautiful our lives are…” |
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“If you’re going to offer your seat on the tube to that pregnant lady, you’d better be damn sure she’s actually pregnant…” |
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“No matter what you think of heavy metal, it’s got to be better than that prick Dido. She’s about as edgy and uncompromising as Tesco…” |
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“You simply don’t appreciate the internet if you haven’t seen “2 girls 1 cup”. And no, I’m not linking to that. But here’s a clip of someone reacting to it. You have been warned…” |
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“Face fuzz that’ll get you noticed, and let everyone know that you’re a fucking caveman and you can grow your pubes wherever you damn well please…” |